题目

请问以下这段英文自我介绍顺畅吗?有语病吗?
My name is Freddie, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually enroll in this prestigious university in september.
Now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 23 years old,I was graduated from GuangZhou technology school. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 2002.
In December 2003, I started working in customer service in China Mobile ,Accumulated a lot of experience in customer service
Now i want to change my work.Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging. SmartTone-Voadfone is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment. That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.
I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.
That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.

提问时间：2021-05-01

答案

My name is Freddie,it is my great honor to have an interview with you.I am ready to answer whatever you may raise and to be a member of the prestigious university in September.
Now,please allow me to introduce myself.I am 23 years old.I graduated from GuangZhou technology school,majored electronics.I got my bachelor degree after graduation in 2002.
I worked at Customs Service Department of China Mobile from December 2003 and learned a lot from it.
In order to challenge and develop myself,I come here to apply for a new position.I am a good team player with honesty and hardworking.I fully believe I could achieve and realize my goals and make great contribution to SmartTome-Voadfone,a well-known global company.
Thank you for your time and attention.Please feel free to ask me if any problem.