题目

雅思作文帮忙修改及评一下分谢谢!
请帮忙修改 最后评一下大概多少分 谢谢了!
Government should invest more in teaching science than other subjects because it could contribute to the country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Science has been developing rapidly during the past ten years. Since science has changed so much of today’s world, some people suggest that government should invest more in teaching science than other subjects. Personally,I strongly support this standpoint.
To start with, due to science ,we now live safer ,more comfortable ,more convenient lives :We can across the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans in an matter of hours which had to take several weeks in the past ;We can also attend a conference in Paris and have dinner in New York the same day ,both of which owe to science .It is the science that diversifies our lives and accelerates the progress of the whole world .As a result ,the government have the obligation to give the priority to science teaching.
M

提问时间：2021-03-31

答案

第二段最后一句Personally,I strongly support this standpoint.可以去掉最后一个词Personally,I strongly support this.更简洁.
We can across the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans in an matter of hours which had to take several weeks in the past 改为 We can cross the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans in a few hours which cost us several weeks before.我只是本着简洁的原则,不要喷我哦.