题目

那位高手帮我看看这篇TOEFL作文能得几分啊～
题目是Some movies are serious,designed to make the audience think.Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain.Which type of movie do you prefer?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer..
Now movies is a very important part of our daily life.There are many types of movie.But each of them make you feel different.Some people is fascinated by the movies which make us think.While others,on the contrary,prefer to see the movies only for entertainment.As my point of view.I’d like to see the serious movies.
The very important reason is that this kind of movies may be can help you find the right way and the right answer when you feel confused.For example.i was born in a basketball family.There was always a dream keep in my mind:to be a bastetball superstar.But things changed because of a match in my high school.Our team was beaten.Completely lose.A terrible concept came up to my mind:give up.when I turned on the DVD player.The movie just be played.It is tell us a story about a boy who persist on the music dream.While I was seeing this movie.i just reminiscing every challenge I faced in the past time.Finally i find the confidence again.And I think i will never reject basketball.
Equally significant reason is the serious movies can sometime teach you something you can’t learn in the class.If you ever see the movie .You can know people’s facial expression always mean different.For instance.There are many kinds of frown.Not all the frown show anger.It can also means scorn.what you can never know from your daily classes.
Matching the two reasons is another essential factor that the movie make us think can affect a lot of people even the whole society.The very famous movieis about a cute girl who is possessed by the demon of disease.With the help of many benevolent people,finally,she recover from the troublesome disease.At the year of this movie be showed.Hundreds of thousands of people do their best to help the sepcial group that really need everyone to regard.Such as physically-challenged people.At that time.The whole community was full of love.
On the basis of my experience and the above-mentioned reasons.The conclusion can be drew.the movies which are serious and designed is more useful for our lifes or even more.So I prefer to watch this type of movies.
这字数会不会太多了?第一个理由的例子的叙述会不会太长?最好有什么错误的地方能帮我提一下～大概能得几分?感激不尽啊!

提问时间：2021-03-24

答案

1 首先,现在一般都考agree or disagree的类型
2 尽量少用I'd之类的缩写,写成I would比较规范,字数也多.
3你的词汇量还有一些关联词积累的不够,建议多积累些,文章中间有些词汇比较大众,有些比较幼稚
4 你的通篇布局比较大众,建议有点自己的风格
5注意你的长短句搭配,尽量把有些句子写长些,能一句话说完不要岔开,中间在间隔写短句,这样会比较好.还有,尽量把内容写的连贯些,不要把例子写的太松散
6英语里面没有“《》”,用大写代替
7注意你的一些语法,有些有点毛病
8 根据我的经验,应该在18分左右吧,估计也不会高于18分.
9 希望LZ多加练习,准备几个真正自己的模板.祝考试顺利=D