题目

求高人帮我改下这篇托福作文
Whether stars should have high salary? Some people may believe that stars of course can get more salary than ordinary people due to they are famous. But others, in contrast, deem that they shouldn't, because stars are also normal persons. From where I stand, I am more inclined to the latter in that it is more commonsensical and reasonable. Among various factors that contribute my position are the following reasons: people would live as normal without stars, stars may bring about some adversely affect to masses.
Initially, the primary reason is that people's life do not rely on stars. So why should they deserve high payment, that's unreasonable. This can be aptly exemplified and illustrated by the following case: Ken, who's my best friend, was fascinated by a pop star name Michael Jackson, when Michael retired, Ken just changed another singer who had the same style to Michael and focus on him without sadness. It comes no surprise that Ken's life went on as before. That's undeniable to say that one's life do not depend on stars, meanwhile, stars do not play the most important roles in people's life. Thus, stars should not get high salaries.
Another equally significant reason for my inclination lies on the fact that stars may bring may bring about some adversely affects to masses. Stars are popular, so popular that almost everyone knows their names. With the quick earned money, Stars personality probably changed, A few stars may did illegal things and that stuffs would be reported by TV news. Hardly can I imagine how the bad news influence young persons. It exerts an unforeseeable and unpredictable consequence to young persons. Furthermore, if a pupil imitate his idol to do some bad things, that could pose a potential and probable threat on our society. Accordingly, it is no exaggeration to say that stars should not get high salaries.
Admittedly, this is not the whole story. Although the demerits of stars have high payment exist. However, there are several reasons for their high salaries. For instance, stars are so busy that they even have enough time to rest they air suffering higher stress than ordinary people. However, the demerits of getting high salary obviously out weight the merits, as I mentioned above. Therefore, I finally reinforce my stand point that stars should not have high salary.
谢谢2楼,这问题再挂两天,如果没有别的答复,100分就是你的啦

提问时间：2021-01-20

答案

我不是高手,不过可以给你挑点错误.第一段,due to后边貌似一般都接名词,直接加句子有点怪,从句可以.那个affect - effects比较好吧,它还是一般做动词的.还有,adversely是副词…… 第二段,注意下标点吧.So why should t...