题目

一篇英语自我介绍,高手们帮我看下有没有病句之类的吧~礼拜天就要用了
Good morning
today i'm honoured to have this opportunity to introduce to you about myself
my name is liushen ,I am a lovely girl ,i was born in qingdao ,and i love qingdao
3 years ago ,i went to jinan ,now ,as a graduate of the e-professional students ,i would not found a job suitable for me ,i think i still need some studying to improve my quality
in my spare time ,i have a lot of hobbies
i love to listen music,and like to read books as well
i have a harmony family
my father and mother are relax and enjoy their retirement
My parents can fully understand me
when i make mistakes ,they always devote all their attention to instructing me
i love them as they love me
that's me

提问时间：2020-11-10

答案

修改的地方我会做标注,你自己看要不要用
Good morning
today i'm honoured to have this opportunity to introduce to you about myself（这句话有点怪,不过我暂时想不出怎么改,就把today放到句子的最后边把,不然有中国式英语的嫌疑）
my name is liushen ,I am a lovely girl ,i was born in qingdao ,and i love qingdao(地名人名要大写,改成Liushen和Qingdao)
（在这里加上：I spent all my life in Qingdao,until three years ago 接上你下别写的,这样比较连贯）
3 years ago ,i went to jinan（同上,首字母大写） （写上你去济南干什么了,比如说I spent three academic years in XXX university,it was a wonderful experience.之类的）.（另起一句）Now ,as a graduate of the e-professional students （不知道e-professional 你要是说网络专家之类的可以说IT expert） ,i couldn't (wouldn't 改成couldn't) find (found 改成find,不用重复过去是)a job that suits my interests( suitable for me 改成suits my interests比较通顺),i think i still need to work harder（some studying 改成 to work harder）to improve myself (my quality 改成myself,quality 一词真的没法表达什么)
i(所有I要大写,另外我把in my spare time给删了,没什么用,加了'also')also have a lot of hobbies
i love to listen to(加to) music （可以加上你喜欢什么音乐比如说 especially...jazz阿 rock 阿 R&B阿都可以）,and as well as reading.
i have a harmony family (我知道你想说什么,但是一般英文里没有这一说,你想写就把harmony 变成harmonious,语法错误.)
（全删了,这句比较不通顺.我自己编了一点点,不过退休的老人做的一般都是这些事吧?）My parents are retired and they love to just relax and have fun with their friends.
（也全删了）My parents are sweet and they love me very much.They forgive the mistakes i made and they always give me undivided attention and would always help me solve problems i encounter in life.
I cherish the little things in my life and sometimes I feel I'm such a lucky person to be able to love my parents and receive love from them!
Thank you.
鞠躬,下台.