题目

雅思小作文
这是剑桥4test2的小作文
The garph shows in England, the trend of typical daily demand for electricity both in summer and winter whereas the pie chart illustrate different kinds usage of the electricity.
Overall, the electricity demand in winter is twice times as much as the demand in summer. Moreover, the largest portion of electricity usage is heating room and heating waters, which means the reason why electricity demand in winter is much higher. In addition, between 6am and 9am, which is the lowest electricity usage in a day. However, at around 22am, the electricity demand is approaching to the maximun in a day.
We can easily find in the usage of electricity, lighting TV, radio and vaccum cleaners, food mixer, electric tools is the same about 15%. Furthermore, the usage of ovens, kettles and washing machines is nearly the same at around 17.5%.
In conclusion, England people need a lot of electricity to heat when in winter
不知道雅思作文会怎么打分,想请教一下这样写会有几分好让我心里有个底.谢谢老师了!提问时间：2020-10-25

答案

4.5到5分左右.结构把握的还可以,但是你重要的thesis（概括你文章主要内容的句子,第一段的最后一句话）没有写肯定会影响分数的.
其他问题：
1.如楼上所说,语法比较混乱.比如第一句话,"in England"放的位置不对,表达过于中式话.
2.雅思小作文的一个得分点在你把重要的数值罗列出来,这篇作文里太少了.比如“the largest portion of electricity usage”后面可以打括号或者用其他方式表现具体数值.
3. 如果分数想提高需要扩展词汇量.